If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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