omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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