I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm too high and old for this...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
