so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
