i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
