He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
