office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
