my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
