I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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