When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
