I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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