She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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