Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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