Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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