i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
