the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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