Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
