he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Two words: blizzard sex
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
