The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
