I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
