I'm lost and stupid without you.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
