Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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