did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she peed on how many people?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
