So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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