some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She bit a glass in half.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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