dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Randomize
