just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
