Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
