can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
