im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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