I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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