It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
