i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
