got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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