That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
