The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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