can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
