FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
