I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
