Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
