smell my finger.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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