You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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