Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
