Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
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He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
whose parrot is this?
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MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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