ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
there is glitter all over my balls
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
