She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize