My pussy is not your playground.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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