I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
