is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
