You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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