my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Two words: nipple clamps
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