Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
