I like my sex mixed with concussions.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
