oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
