I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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