I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I need water and some morals
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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