The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
