I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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