I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
