I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
