i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
