Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
