Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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