Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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