Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
