I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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