im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just tell him i said nine months
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
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That reminds me...we need to get swords
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
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I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious