Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
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And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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Have fun and good luck.