Texts From Last Night

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  (424): View more from California

  I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick

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  (424): I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick http://tfl.nu/5e2h
  Replies (1) Good night (964) Bad night (1210)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?

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  (806): How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her? http://tfl.nu/a3s8
  Replies (78) Good night (677) Bad night (7653)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore

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  (631): I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore http://tfl.nu/upfn
  Replies (9) Good night (1081) Bad night (2084)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

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  (267): When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking. http://tfl.nu/7g2d
  Replies (35) Good night (2074) Bad night (3717)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS

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  (309): I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS http://tfl.nu/kfbo
  Replies (6) Good night (3768) Bad night (810)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.

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  (610): I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate. http://tfl.nu/wg9p
  Replies (11) Good night (1023) Bad night (3567)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.

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  (615): I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag. http://tfl.nu/vhx8
  Replies (8) Good night (5057) Bad night (1145)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell

  (816): View more from Missouri

  please tell me you are kidding me

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  (913): i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell (816): please tell me you are kidding me http://tfl.nu/zfgp
  Replies (22) Good night (1629) Bad night (4867)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid

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  (978): im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid http://tfl.nu/59ax
  Replies (8) Good night (860) Bad night (2073)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.

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  (503): And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company. http://tfl.nu/g17w
  Replies (25) Good night (694) Bad night (2222)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.

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  (479): Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes. http://tfl.nu/b7x1
  Replies (22) Good night (1500) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.

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  (702): If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak. http://tfl.nu/8cng
  Replies (7) Good night (1486) Bad night (482)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.

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  (218): found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging. http://tfl.nu/wawj
  Replies (4) Good night (496) Bad night (905)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?

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  (914): Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what? http://tfl.nu/ebld
  Replies (1) Good night (688) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...

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  (440): The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine... http://tfl.nu/over
  Replies (0) Good night (532) Bad night (323)

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