I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
