Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...