Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (737): View more from Texas

  You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?

  (1-737): View more from Texas

  That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there

  (737): View more from Texas

  It's my parent's restaurant

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  (737): You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot? (1-737): That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there (737): It's my parent's restaurant http://tfl.nu/0xzo
  Replies (8) Good night (1060) Bad night (2695)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.

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  (317): I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap. http://tfl.nu/sbkp
  Replies (16) Good night (2747) Bad night (564)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."

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  (954): I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers." http://tfl.nu/vnij
  Replies (40) Good night (5471) Bad night (840)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad

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  (718): Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad http://tfl.nu/ofwb
  Replies (40) Good night (5918) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks

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  (804): i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks http://tfl.nu/m5sm
  Replies (24) Good night (814) Bad night (7430)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.

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  (720): He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were. http://tfl.nu/8g5z
  Replies (7) Good night (818) Bad night (2380)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.

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  (250): This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b. http://tfl.nu/l3kw
  Replies (14) Good night (2601) Bad night (1108)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite

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  (250): I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite http://tfl.nu/yccl
  Replies (4) Good night (1153) Bad night (1209)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.

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  (404): my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class. http://tfl.nu/g08a
  Replies (24) Good night (1986) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.

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  (415): Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that. http://tfl.nu/2d02
  Replies (8) Good night (1119) Bad night (411)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.

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  (952): I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face. (952): Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him. http://tfl.nu/f0ba
  Replies (3) Good night (551) Bad night (227)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Who is also still dressed up as a pirate

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  (703): Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor (703): Who is also still dressed up as a pirate http://tfl.nu/yo9o
  Replies (5) Good night (432) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza

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  (651): I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza http://tfl.nu/ksxf
  Replies (0) Good night (259) Bad night (395)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.

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  (405): If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here. http://tfl.nu/2ha3
  Replies (4) Good night (323) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?

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  (613): How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"? http://tfl.nu/g21k
  Replies (4) Good night (811) Bad night (241)

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