Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
