I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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