why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
