Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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